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A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Home

Let's do the nuances, - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Let's do the nuances,

Garrison Keillor

They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on the sole - Garrison Keillor Quotes

They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on the sole

Garrison Keillor

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.

Garrison Keillor

Brotherhood Debt

Big mistake, ... Why do I need another weekly deadline? - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Big mistake, ... Why do I need another weekly deadline?

Garrison Keillor

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average - Garrison Keillor Quotes

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average

Garrison Keillor

Men

There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

There's so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It's nice to know where you come from.

Garrison Keillor

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I'm going to miss mine by just a few days - Garrison Keillor Quotes

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize I'm going to miss mine by just a few days

Garrison Keillor

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either

Garrison Keillor

Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.

Garrison Keillor

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up

Garrison Keillor

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Greed

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Books And Reading

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Lies And Lying

A Democrat in a red state? ... Were you elected, or is this a divine miracle? - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A Democrat in a red state? ... Were you elected, or is this a divine miracle?

Garrison Keillor

All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in innovation, take something real like this fair, and make it something larger than life. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in innovation, take something real like this fair, and make it something larger than life.

Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is ''Get it?'' When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

The funniest line in English is ''Get it?'' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Garrison Keillor

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it

Garrison Keillor

It is the classic Freaks, Fatties, Fanatics and Faux Culture Excursion beloved of European journalists for the past 50 years. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

It is the classic Freaks, Fatties, Fanatics and Faux Culture Excursion beloved of European journalists for the past 50 years.

Garrison Keillor

Powder Milk biscuits: Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of the biscuit on the front, or in the brown bag with the dark stains that indicate freshness - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Powder Milk biscuits: Buy them ready-made in the big blue box with the picture of the biscuit on the front, or in the brown bag with the dark stains that indicate freshness

Garrison Keillor

The moment they started shooting this picture it's like he became 30 years younger. He's tremendously focused and capable. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

The moment they started shooting this picture it's like he became 30 years younger. He's tremendously focused and capable.

Garrison Keillor

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.

Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Comedy

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Children

is that we're this little, quiet pond, undisturbed. Sort of like a museum piece. Except we don't want to be a museum piece. Listening to the radio is not a normal thing. We have to get millions of people to do something that is not normal. So we have to continue to work to deserve the attention of the millions of people who listen. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

is that we're this little, quiet pond, undisturbed. Sort of like a museum piece. Except we don't want to be a museum piece. Listening to the radio is not a normal thing. We have to get millions of people to do something that is not normal. So we have to continue to work to deserve the attention of the millions of people who listen.

Garrison Keillor

We've had a lot of response to 'The Writer's Almanac,' most of it favorable, ... I don't think it's ever been taken off or been censored before. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

We've had a lot of response to 'The Writer's Almanac,' most of it favorable, ... I don't think it's ever been taken off or been censored before.

Garrison Keillor

We have no plans to do the Fitz after Jan. 1 in the current season. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

We have no plans to do the Fitz after Jan. 1 in the current season.

Garrison Keillor

[The ensemble also performed on National Public Radio's] A Prairie Home Companion ... You sounded like the Chicago Symphony and yet you're not crabby and grumpy like they are -- amazing! - Garrison Keillor Quotes

[The ensemble also performed on National Public Radio's] A Prairie Home Companion ... You sounded like the Chicago Symphony and yet you're not crabby and grumpy like they are -- amazing!

Garrison Keillor

In your 50s, instead of panicking about the income you need to build up in the next 15 or 20 years, your best move is to concentrate on getting your costs down. If you will need less to live on in retirement, then you won't need to risk desperate accumulation strategies now. Right? That's a pretty basic point that everyone seems to miss. I want you to make cost reduction Plan A in your Late-Start Retirement Strategy. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

In your 50s, instead of panicking about the income you need to build up in the next 15 or 20 years, your best move is to concentrate on getting your costs down. If you will need less to live on in retirement, then you won't need to risk desperate accumulation strategies now. Right? That's a pretty basic point that everyone seems to miss. I want you to make cost reduction Plan A in your Late-Start Retirement Strategy.

Garrison Keillor

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.

Garrison Keillor

American Writer Joy

Be more funny! Be more funny! - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Be more funny! Be more funny!

Garrison Keillor

That sounds like it works for me. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

That sounds like it works for me.

Garrison Keillor

It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town, out here on the edge of the prairie - Garrison Keillor Quotes

It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town, out here on the edge of the prairie

Garrison Keillor

Home

It's an honor to be taken off the air. I had to wait until I was 63. You are nobody in radio until you've been fired at least once, and I've never been fired. At least it's vindication. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

It's an honor to be taken off the air. I had to wait until I was 63. You are nobody in radio until you've been fired at least once, and I've never been fired. At least it's vindication.

Garrison Keillor

Honor

I don't do awards. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

I don't do awards.

Garrison Keillor

and opened a Harry Potter book, read a few pages and said: 'I could have done that. I could have done that while doing all the other things that I do. Why didn't I?' - Garrison Keillor Quotes

and opened a Harry Potter book, read a few pages and said: 'I could have done that. I could have done that while doing all the other things that I do. Why didn't I?'

Garrison Keillor

chastened by the stinging criticisms of last year's award nominations to five fiction writers nobody ever heard of. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

chastened by the stinging criticisms of last year's award nominations to five fiction writers nobody ever heard of.

Garrison Keillor

Ralph Stanley is like an uncle to us and now that all my uncles are gone, Ralph's singing is even more precious. This album of classic folk songs is one of his best. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Ralph Stanley is like an uncle to us and now that all my uncles are gone, Ralph's singing is even more precious. This album of classic folk songs is one of his best.

Garrison Keillor

They said it would be terrible if the show were not in St. Paul. I listen to people who tug at my sleeve. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

They said it would be terrible if the show were not in St. Paul. I listen to people who tug at my sleeve.

Garrison Keillor

Guys are in trouble these days, ... Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement and now it's just a problem to be overcome. Guys who once might have painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling are now just trying to be Mr. O.K. All-Rite, the man who can bake a cherry pie, be passionate in a skillful way, and yet also lift them bales and tote that barge. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Guys are in trouble these days, ... Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement and now it's just a problem to be overcome. Guys who once might have painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling are now just trying to be Mr. O.K. All-Rite, the man who can bake a cherry pie, be passionate in a skillful way, and yet also lift them bales and tote that barge.

Garrison Keillor

Guys are in trouble these days. Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement and now it's just a problem to be overcome. Guys who once might have painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling are now just trying to be Mr. O.K. All-Rite, the man who can bake a cherry pie, be passionate in a skillful way, and yet also lift them bales and tote that barge. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Guys are in trouble these days. Years ago, manhood was an opportunity for achievement and now it's just a problem to be overcome. Guys who once might have painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling are now just trying to be Mr. O.K. All-Rite, the man who can bake a cherry pie, be passionate in a skillful way, and yet also lift them bales and tote that barge.

Garrison Keillor

I pulled an all-nighter, - Garrison Keillor Quotes

I pulled an all-nighter,

Garrison Keillor

I'm not tired, let's eat. One has to catch a little society when one can. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

I'm not tired, let's eat. One has to catch a little society when one can.

Garrison Keillor

that time forgot and decades cannot improve. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

that time forgot and decades cannot improve.

Garrison Keillor

When you do something for a long time, as I have, it becomes difficult to keep yourself in trim. You become slack, but this has been very inspiring. It makes a person resolve to do better when the radio show starts up again in the fall. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

When you do something for a long time, as I have, it becomes difficult to keep yourself in trim. You become slack, but this has been very inspiring. It makes a person resolve to do better when the radio show starts up again in the fall.

Garrison Keillor

Can't Help Falling in Love. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Can't Help Falling in Love.

Garrison Keillor

Good Poems for Hard Times - Garrison Keillor Quotes

Good Poems for Hard Times

Garrison Keillor

Poems

A Prairie Home Companion - Garrison Keillor Quotes

A Prairie Home Companion

Garrison Keillor

Home

We had a bevy -- literally a bevy -- of queens on our show, representing every agricultural product, ... They were quite self-possessed young women. They had poise, which is the one thing that royalty most requires. The swine queen probably had more poise than anybody else. You would have to, in order to be 'Miss Swine.' - Garrison Keillor Quotes

We had a bevy -- literally a bevy -- of queens on our show, representing every agricultural product, ... They were quite self-possessed young women. They had poise, which is the one thing that royalty most requires. The swine queen probably had more poise than anybody else. You would have to, in order to be 'Miss Swine.'

Garrison Keillor

Self

an excellent age for reform of all sorts. - Garrison Keillor Quotes

an excellent age for reform of all sorts.

Garrison Keillor

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